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Every Monday it’s the same thing. I arrive to work a few minutes late, still dead inside from sleeping most of the weekend, and greet my coworkers. They tell me of their weekends and all of the fun things they did. Lucky them, I worked this Saturday and spent my free time eating chips on the couch while Netflix pumped shows into my eyes. Next thing I know, I have a handful of contracts thrown at me and a set of keys. Time to drive to Livingston. At least I get a bit of time to myself in the car before I deal with the public. While in the car, it hits me that I didn’t eat breakfast. Should I stop by McDonald’s?

Song

“Monday” by Chaddy and the Chadettes

I wake up in the morning and I throw on my shirt

Hop in the car and you know I’m late to work

Walk in the door to the same ole scene

Coworkers talking and the bossman’s screams

He throws me some papers

He throws me some keys

I run out the door and try not to be seen

I turn on the car and go down the road

My stomach starts to rumble

Sounds like it’s a toad

I see those golden arches

I reach for my wallet

Hot breakfast in that bag

You know I gotta cop it

https://soundcloud.com/chad-augustine-1/monday

Quiz

1)      When did you show up to work Monday?

a.       Early

b.      On time

c.       Late

d.      I didn’t show up

2)      How much fun did your coworkers have this weekend?

a.       No fun

b.      Some fun

c.       All of the fun

3)      You didn’t have to work this past weekend

a.       True

b.      False

4)      You were a sad bum on the couch in your free time

a.       True

b.      False

5)      What were you handed by your boss at work?

a.       Keys

b.      Tacos

c.       Contracts

d.      Both A & C

6)      Where do you have to drive to?

a.       _______________

7)      You ate breakfast this morning

a.       True

b.      False

8)      Will you stop by McDonald’s?

a.       Yes

b.      No

KEY:   1 – C

2 – C

3 – B

4 – A

5 – D

6 – LIVINGSTON

7 – B

8 – A

Recipe

How to Make a McDonald’s Breakfast

INGREDIENTS:

3 snoozes on the alarm

8 minutes to drive to work\

3 coworkers talking

1 weekend of work

4 hateful thoughts about coworkers

6 rental contracts

2 keys

DIRECTIONS:

In small bedroom, begin combining all three snoozes. Slowly blend in the 8 minutes to drive to work. The resulting product should resemble someone being late to work. As the coworkers talking begins to mix into an indiscernible jabber, quickly combine the weekend of work and the hateful thoughts before the workday begins. If combined too slowly, you will have to restart the recipe next week. After the weekend of work and hateful thought have mixed, place 6 rental contracts on top gently as to not disturb the ingredients. 2 car keys should now be placed on top of the rental contract as fiercely as possible to ensure adequate mixing. Now, wait thirty minutes while you drive to Livingston, and after this time, you should have a McDonald’s breakfast that is ready to be enjoyed.

Script

ENTER CHAD

CHAD: Sorry I’m late again guys! These Mondays seem to always get me.

COWORKER 1: Good job LC.

COWORKER 2: Yeah, good job. Anyways, like I was saying, me and all of my friends went out to Nashville this weekend and had a crazy time. Did y’all see my Snapchat story?

CHAD: Yeah I did. Looks like you guys had fun. Saturday was awful here. So many people came in pissed off at the world and of course they let it out on me.

BOSS ENTERS THE ROOM AND GRABS A PILE OF FRESHLY PRINTED CONTRACTS AND KEYS TO A CAR

BOSS: LC, looks like you’re headed to Livingston. You’ve got four at Maynord’s and two at Vaughn’s. Hurry back because we need you here.

CHAD: What am I driving today? [LOOKS AT KEYS] Ah, a Nissan Note. Hate these things.

EXIT CHAD

CHAD ENTERS CAR

CHAD TO HIMSELF: At least I don’t have to deal with the people coming in this morning. I’m so over customers. And I’m hungry too. Well, I may as well stop by McDonald’s while I’m out.

Acrostic

My God, I’m late again.

Only this could happen to me.

Now everyone is going on about their weekends.

Do they even realize how awful Saturday was?

Anyway, time to go to Livingston.

You’d be surprised at how much I love this drive.

Shit, I forgot to eat breakfast.

Eulogy

We are gathered here today to remember the life of Chadwick Bryson Augustine. Although he left this world too soon, the memories of him will stay with us forever and his love can still be seen in the eyes of those gathered here. We will never forget how he used to come in late to work on Monday mornings boasting an outlandish excuse. He worked hard on the weekends so that the rest of us could enjoy our time off, and for that, we will forever be grateful. He loved his breakfast, often stopping at McDonald’s on his way up to see his customers in Livingston. They loved him, we loved him, and we will never forget him.

Performance Evaluation

EMPLOYEE: Chad Augustine

POSITION: Intern

RATING: Needs Improvement

COMMENTS: Chad, you’ve really got to improve on your punctuality. You have been late 12 times in the past month, with most of those being on Monday mornings when we need you the most. Your sales numbers are ok, but could be improved if you didn’t spend every weekend partying. You seem to get along with the other employees in the office, which is a good thing. One thing that does bother me that you do is that you are always stopping for food when you are supposed to be working. Less McDonald’s, more working. Improve in these areas and I think you’ll go far in the company.

Infomercial

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Text Message

Poem

Here I am

Late to work

Feel my back

As it hurts

Coworkers around

Telling their tales

Netflix and chips

It never fails

Wait, what was that

Here come the contracts

In a fat stack

Car keys too

The car is so new

Drive up the road

To the shop of the Maynord Bros.

My stomach starts to grumble

I silently wonder

McDonald’s or hunger?

Timeline

7:20 a.m. – Chad arrives to work. Late as usual.

7:22 a.m. – Chad clocks in and talks to his coworkers about the things they did this weekend.

7:23 a.m. – Chad internally resents his coworkers due to the fact that they didn’t have to work this weekend while he did.

7:25 a.m. – Chad is handed a pile of rental contracts and a set of car keys so that he may drive to Livingston to rent cars to customers.

7:26 a.m. – Chad gets in the car and begins his solitary drive up Hwy 111.

7:38 a.m. – Chad’s stomach growls as he remembers that he didn’t eat breakfast. Also at this time, he begins to ponder stopping by the local McDonald’s

Minimalist

Work. Late again. Talk. Think of weekend. Contracts and keys. Drive time. Breakfast?