Elevator of Doom: Original Narrative Template

I press the button to call an elevator right before a large man joins me in my wait. He’s wearing a sharp business suit with black hair slicked back and multiple rings on his fingers. The elevator arrives and we silently enter. Before arriving on our floor, the lift stops to pick up another party consisting of a young man joining hands with a pretty woman and an elderly lady behind them.

“Chester!” the beautiful woman gasps as the elevator door closes behind them, blocking an escape. She addresses the tall man incredulously. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same question to you, you poisonous bitch” Chester’s eyes narrow.

“What’s going on?” the man accompanying the woman asks.

Chester pulls a gun out of his suit pocket.

            “She’s my wife, you sack of shit.”

Acrostic Variation: Chester's Gun

Choking, gagging, spitting, coughing,

Hell’s flames welcome one to their fold.

Ever so devilish with imp’s smiling fangs,

Satan firmly takes the gunman’s hand.

Timeless agony awaits wrathful spite,

Eternally damning quenchers of souls.

Rivers curdling, coagulated crimson,

Sinister simmers, boiling brutalities.

Good gentlemen, be wary.

Understand thy predicament.

Never spill innocent blood.

Gender Swap Variation: P.O.V. of the H.B.I.C.

He had it coming. I walked into the building where my husband worked and pressed the button to call the elevator. I waited with a shorter woman and wondered if she was the one my husband had been cheating with. That dirty bastard was probably fucking every woman in his office. I glared at the short bitch standing next to me. When she saw my murderous look, she clutched her purse tighter to her breasts and raised her eyebrows. I could see this whore on top of my husband. I could see her riding his fucking cock. I could see her small little tits bouncing up and down. I could see her face scrunched up in feigned pleasure, faking it for my husband. I wanted to pull my gun out and shoot her in the lobby right then and there. I wanted to shoot her right between her fucking beady little eyes.

“Are you alright?” the little short shit asked me with a tinge of fear in her wavering voice.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” I attempted to feign surprise and kindness with a bit of measured laughter. “I lost my glasses this morning and I’ve been squinting all day long. Gives you a real nasty headache, ya know?”

She continued to raise her eyebrows at me, but slowly turned from me and faced the elevator once more. Like I gave a fat rat’s ass what this little slut thought.

The elevator finally arrived.

We both got inside. Dumb bitch should have taken the stairs.

I pressed the button for floor 27, my husband’s floor. The little short bitch stood still. So she was getting off at floor 27 too, eh? This squat little troll probably was fucking my Chester.

As we climbed each floor, I could feel my rage boiling. I imaged numerous ways to kill the short little slut next to me, but my husband would get it first. I just knew where my first bullet would go, right in his fucking little pecker. That fucking tool would never use his tool again.

Ding!

The elevator stopped and opened at the floor directly below my destination.

There stood my husband laughing and linking arms with some young brunette.

That was when I fired every round.

Gun's P.O.V. Variation: Bang Bang

I never wanted to be a murderous weapon. I never asked for deadly devices to be woven into my system. What a cruel world indeed, but this is how I became a tool for evil…

It was dark and I had become accustomed to the darkness by now. I could feel the up and down motions my owner makes when he travels. Ahhh… What I would give to have legs. My owner was walking somewhere in a hurry, then I felt an upward motion even though I know he was standing still. There were screams as he withdrew me from his pocket. No one is ever happy to see me. More screaming commenced. Then I was fired four times. Those last fatal cries still echo inside. I clearly remember all the blood. I’ve never had the stomach for the stuff. Then my owner turned me to face him. I saw tears falling from his eyes as he shuddered and cried. He said a small prayer before he pulled my trigger.

Now I lay on the floor of the elevator, abandoned and alone until someone comes along to find me. What a lonely life I lead, a life of death and despondency. 

Bedtime Story Variation: Sweet Dreams

Once upon a time, in a very tall castle within a vast kingdom, a well-dressed man named Chester came to rescue his wife from an evil troll. She was the most beautiful woman in the kingdom and her smile was infectious. Everyone loved her. Chester pressed a magical button on the wall to call forth a big enchanted box that would take him higher up within the castle. His shorter adventuring companion stood beside him, and when it arrived, they climbed inside together. The enchanted box took them very high up before they stopped at the tallest tower. There they found the evil troll holding Chester’s wife captive in a cage. What could Chester do? The troll had tied up the fairy godmother as well and her wand lay on the stone floor.

“Quick, Chester!” the fairy godmother urged. “Grab my wand!”

Chester grabbed the wand and zapped the troll. The troll magically transformed into an ugly flying sheep and flew away. Chester had freed his fair bride and they rode off together into the sunset.

Pysma Variation: Interrogation

Why was the narrator in the building? What is his business there? Why is the tall man wearing a suit? Did he intend and plan to meet his wife? If he planned to meet his wife, why this building? Why is the tall man’s wife and her man friend in the building? Why is the older woman taking the elevator when she could take the stairs? How can the elderly lady not be spry enough to take the stairs? Where did the tall man buy his gun? How many bullets are in the chamber? Why did he wave the gun in front of strangers instead of getting his wife alone somehow? How is his wife a poisonous bitch? Does the lady’s man friend really not know what’s going on or is he simply playing the innocent fool? If the lady’s man friend does know what’s going on, why does he commit adultery with the beautiful woman? Was the old woman committing adultery with the beautiful woman as well? Why does the old woman not speak? Why are the remaining names of the characters unknown?

Poem Variation: Elevator Poetry

Ascending numbers carry two.

Tall stature, intimidation factor,

Rising in fear, in silence,

Chance meetings planned.

Box holding five persons,

Reveals troubling secrets.

Screams show sorrow,

No hopes for tomorrow.

Ara Variation: "A Curse On Both Your Houses"

Let the sins of two ruin the lives of five.

They shall meet in a confined space.

They shall breathe the same air.

Let infidelity spark blind rage.

Let the weapon snuff out innocent souls.

Let blood fall and stain every floor.

Let the fires of Hell welcome them.

The Devil shall feast on their broken bones,

And rip the very flesh from each sinew,

As murderous crows peck organs,

And eyes become jellied stains.

Quiz Variation: Testing the Limits

Elevator of Doom Quiz (20pts.)

1. What is the tall man’s name?
2. How many bullets are in the gun?
3. What is the narrator doing in the building?
4. On what floor does the elevator stop to pick up the beautiful woman, her man friend, and the old woman?
5. What brand of hair gel does the tall man use?
6. How many rings does the tall man wear?
7. What does the tall man call his wife?
8. What does the tall man call the woman’s man friend?

Tweet Variation: Tweet Tweet

Tweet from @AgathaBalderdasher

OMFG this crazy f$%king man just shot two ppl in the elevator!!! Whats this damn world coming to?! #dammitdonald #wtf #grannyindistress #gunsblazing

Recipe Variation: Cookin' Up Doom

Elevator Disaster: Infidelity and Death

*just like your momma made*

Serves 5

One Serving: 5,000 Cal.

Ingredients:

1 pinch of suspicion

16 Tears of a cheating wife

7 drops of infidelity

3 bullets

5 geriatric assertions

4 globs of hair gel

Directions:

Thoroughly mix all ingredients together in a bowl until thick consistency. Place bowl outside for a full evening to receive the blessing of a full moon. Then chill before enjoying at your own risk.

Riddle Variation: Can you take a guess?

Ascending box transporting men, carrying questions.

Geriatric eyes and lusty intentions.

High above reason, below Heaven.

Terror strikes at a question.

Horror Variation: Elevator to Hell

I press the button to call the elevator right as lightning strikes. I hear the rain pouring down. My heart beats hard in my chest, but I have to keep it together. A tall man with a murderous scowl suddenly appears beside me. He wears all black with raven hair slicked back like the Devil himself. The elevator arrives and I get inside with this demonic man against my better judgement. As the elevator ascends, the lights flicker up above. I imagine the metal box plummeting at any moment. It shudders as the lift stops to pick up another party. The doors slowly slide open to reveal a terrifyingly beautiful woman and her man friend. An elderly woman with shifty eyes brings up the rear. She smiles at me.

“Chester!” the beautiful woman gasps as the elevator door closes behind them, blocking an escape. She addresses the tall man incredulously. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same question to you, you poisonous bitch” Chester’s eyes narrow.

“What’s going on?” the man accompanying the woman asks.

Chester pulls a gun out of his suit pocket.

“She’s my wife, you sack of shit.”

The old woman begins to cackle.

“What’s so funny, you old bitch?” Chester shouts at the old woman, waving his gun.

“You’re all going to fucking die, big boy” the old woman’s eyes glow red.

The elevator falls from the sky as she cackles and gunshots sound throughout the building.