Recipe

Successful College Student

You will need:

14 gallons of coffee

27 cups stress and deadlines 

  9 Expensive textbooks they will never use

15 pounds of weight to be added throughout the semester 

  7 days of binging Netflix

57 packets of ramen noodels

Dash of  procrastination

Add All-nighters to taste  

Instructions:

Be sure to put off making this delicacy until the last possible minute. Then be sure to remove all motivation and concentration right before the deadlines. This is a slow-bake dish, often taking half the semester to truly remove their desire to stay ahead and study. Mix coffee and all-nighters thoroughly with procrastination and stress. As this bakes be sure to add Netflix. Stress should be brought to rolling boil, then simmer. The student should be arriving later to his classes as the semester goes on. This results from the lack of parking on campus and the desire to sleep in. Add weight periodically throughout the semester and the all-nighters where necessary.